Saturday, July 31, 2010

G Avenue

I couldn't tell you the first thing about fiber glass.
Like what it's made of, what it's used for, or how it fulfills its function.
But I can tell you that fiber glass is the cause of the 50 or so tiny cuts all over my hands, arms, neck, and face.

Manual labor usually isn't my thing.
After tacking up insulation underneath a house, installing snap in flooring, painting countless rooms, and attempting to chop wood with a maul I got my fix and retired my hammer.
(Thank you Nazareth Farm for such an opportunity.)
But suddenly my never ending curiosity about Habitat for Humanity led me to venture out and test my construction ability once again.

I woke up at 6:30 this morning, put on a grungy t-shirt and a ripped pair of jeans and headed out to National City where I spent all day installing air ducts and crawling around in the rafters of a work-in-progress home.

I had the time of my life.
And not just because I totally love climbing on things and pretending I'm good at something that I'm not, but because of how these 7 hours spent combating fiber glass gave me a totally new perspective.

I've always wondered what 'type' of people volunteer their time to build houses for low income families.
(I think this is part of my quest in discovering who I actually am. Like... If I am the sort of person volunteering my time to build houses for low income families, than who does that make me? And what is my reason for doing it?)
I was pleasantly surprised to find an incredibly diverse group of people volunteering today, and an answer that left me still curious but quite content.

I realized how tiring manual labor actually is, and I walked away with a greater appreciation for blue collar workers. I now have a visual of what is behind all the drywall in our homes and how much work goes into a single house.

I wondered about the manufacturing of ducts and laughed at my inability to walk away unharmed. I thought of all the homeless men standing outside the day-labor office on my way to work and finally understood why so many of them prefer panhandling to making minimum wage doing backbreaking work when they can earn twice as much standing with a cardboard sign at a freeway exit.

Today was a wonderful day. I learned something new - about construction, about the economy, about homeless individuals, about doing good for others, and about myself.

I can't wait til August 14th when I have the chance to go back to G Avenue and continue working on homes that will soon be inhabited by deserving families.
:)

This is the day the Lord has made, let us give thanks and be glad.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"I Love the Beatles FOREVER!"

So I obviously failed at completing this blog challenge in the alloted amount of time, but better late than never right?!

Number 3: Talk about a person or specific interaction from your day

Saturday the roommates and I embarked on a 9 mile hike in 110 degree weather up to Cathedral Mountain in Sedona, Arizona. 4 hours, 200 pictures, 3 wilderness bathroom breaks, and 1 skinned knee later we arrived at a creek as we headed back to our starting point.

We had seen the rope swing on the way up and decided that we would test it out on our return trip. Naturally by the time we reached the creek we discovered it was only about 2 1/2 feet deep, plus fully emerging ourselves in water wouldn't make much sense being about 20 minutes from the car. So instead, we dipped our feet in and watched two little girls, no older than 8, have the time of their lives on this rope swing.

"I love the Beatles forever!!!!!"
Photo By: Kendra Osburn

The girl in the front is named Kara and we never learned the name of the girl in the back. But I can tell you that these two girls are best friends and have been since they were 1.

They love the Beatles FOREVER!
(and so they shouted every time they swung over the water)

Kara has 6 Beatles posters, 2 Beatles blankets, and is their biggest fan. Kara's friend is a close second and has a crush on George Harrison and Paul McCartney, but only from 1960 to 1965.

These two girls were full of passion and without a care in the world, and in being so, reminded me of Amanda and me at that age.

We were literally joined at the hip. We spent every day after school together and had sleep overs on Friday nights. We tagged along on each other's family vacations and spent countless hours playing house, making up dances, getting into trouble, and riding in the back of her dad's pick up truck.

Not only were these two girls passionate about the Beatles, but they were passionate about their friendship. I know this because right away I noticed how much they mirrored my friendship with Amanda. Kara was timid and her friend was the thrill seeker, but encouraged Kara to try to rope swing and soon enough she love it. They weren't competitive - one didn't love the Beatles more than the other, they were just simply glad they had someone to share their passion with.

They reminded me what friendship is all about.

The rest of the weekend Kendra, Kara, and I shouted "I love the Beatles forever!" and fell back into our 8 year old selves having random laughing fits, taking in every aspect of our surroundings, and absolutely loving life and each other's company.

Our trip to Arizona was truly awesome; as in breathtaking and inspiring. The Grand Canyon was the most brilliant sight I have ever seen, and those 48 hours spent with my roommates were absolutely the best of my summer.

I live for moments like the one at the creek. Moments where I witness someone else's happiness. Moments where I am brought back to my childhood. Moments where new memeories with new people are created. Moments where I am fully aware of myself and my surroundings. Moments where I see, feel, and know love.

Kara and her friend love the Beatles FOREVER,

But I love Amanda FOREVER!

and I love Kendra and Kara FOREVER!



(Now, I may have stretched this question a little too thin in not specifically talking about someone/interaction from my day. But on Saturday these girls were significant and I lacked a computer and all energy to blog then. Those girls also served as an important link between my past and my present. Therefore, you got more than I had originally intended in coming up with this question for our blog challenge.)


Monday, July 12, 2010

Fairy Tales Last Forever.



What movie did I always wish I were in?

I bet you thought I came up with this topic for our blog challenge didn't you? Well guess again, because it was all Kendra. Do you really think I'm capable of choosing just one movie I want to be the star in - to have as my reality? Yeah right. Folks, I am the definition of a hopeless romantic... or what Kara and I prefer to call HOPEFUL romantic.

Prepare yourselves, for what I'm about to divulge might scare some of you, because not only have I thought about this question over and over and over since I was 15, but in some instances have forced significant others to act out scenes from my favorite movies.

Okay, [deep breath] here we go.

1. Never Been Kissed
I always thought I wanted to be a writer; after all, I was an english major once. I figured, maybe I could share my first kiss (with a new person) on the top of a pitchers mound right before a high school baseball game. That is, of course, after he reluctantly reads the article I wrote for the local newspaper asking him to meet me there.

2. How to Lose a Guy in 10 days
I love meeting families, and even more than that, I love being accepted into families. And I long to visit New York, learn to ride a motorcycle in Staten Island, and romantically have my shirt pulled off over my head and stumble into the shower with a man who I've tried to drive away, only to have him run back to me time and time again.

3. My Best Friend's Wedding
I wish I had Julianne's confidence and George as my best friend.
I also may or may not have made such a pact once (okay, maybe twice) while highly intoxicated.

4. John Tucker Must Die
My celebrity crush, Penn Badgley, stars as the male version of me. Library boy. The over looked nerdy individual who is never quite perceived as the datable type, but in the end lands the girl of his dreams.

5. 13 going on 30
I don't have a male best friend from my childhood, but maybe one day when I'm 30 I'll cross paths with my male best friend from high school or college, fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Or maybe I wont.

6. Roman Holiday
How cool would it be if I were a princess meandering the streets of Rome with a man who found me drunk on a brick wall and pretends he doesn't know my status? This man will later choose me over his career by not selling me out to the press. :)

7. Sleepless in Seattle
Do you believe in soul-mates?

8. Love Actually
If a foreign man proposed to me in my native tongue, my husband's best friend professed his love for me, or I shared a kiss with the Prime Minister of England, I would die a happy woman.

9. Serendipity
If I ever find a pair of gloves while sitting on a bench in New York City I'll be sure to walk to the center of the ice skating rink to find my soulmate. And if I am Christmas shopping and come across a man who wants to buy the exact pair of gloves I've just picked up, I will invite him to dinner, write my name on the inside of a book, and run off hoping one day we will meet again.

10. Pretty Woman
So maybe I'll never be a hooker, but maybe, just maybe the man of my dreams will climb the fire escape up to my window on the top floor of my building and propose to me because he thinks the world of me... oh and my best friend will compare me to Cinde-fucking-rella.

I could go on like this forever, but I'll stop at 10 and cut to the chase.

Because perhaps the movie that I really really wish were my reality is Breakfast at Tiffany's. I mean seriously, how cute is Gregory Peck? But aside from the obvious man candy, I am entirely fascinated by Holly Golightly. She is absolutely out of her mind. She is an emotionally unstable, gold digging socialite that is entirely unaware to the love that is staring her straight in the eye. She is unreasonable, irrational, and hopelessly obsessed with obtaining money over love. She runs away from the only man who has ever truly loved her, and pushes away the only man she's every truly loved. It isn't until an unsuccessful engagement and a night in jail that Holly Golightly unwillingly faces her true emotions and comes to her senses about her love for Paul Varjak - the man who has been persistent and come to her rescue time and time again.

Plus, her fashion is unbelievable - she has the most incredible orange coat I have ever seen, and dreamt of having since my first encounter with this movie. She can make herself absolutely beautiful in under 10 minutes. She is hilarious, crazy, and entirely too confident. But wonderful all the same. She finds a ballet shoe in her refrigerator and stores her telephone in an old suitcase to muffle the noise.

But most importantly, she's a day dreamer (much like I am)... eating her breakfast outside of Tiffany's dreaming of a place where nothing bad could ever happen to her.

And lastly, Paul may or may not take her to a public library :)

"I don't want to own anything until I find a place where me and things go together. I'm not sure where that is but I know what it is like. It's like Tiffany's."

Okay there you have it. If I could star in any movie and make it my reality Breakfast at Tiffany's it is.

So maybe I am a little insane, a little crazy, a little out of my of mind. But I'm hopeful that one day I will have my own unique kind of love story and I will no longer have to live inside the walls of my pieced together fairy tale.

But fairy tales last forever right?

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Life, Love, and Laughter.

Someone once lent me the Donovan Frankenreiter CD and I never had the opportunity to give it back. Part of me is thankful for this because it permanently resides in my car's CD player, while part of me wants to find the correct address and mail it back to it's rightful owner. But regardless of my love hate relationship with this CD, I absolutely adore this song.

Listen to the lyrics, I don't think it will take you long to figure out why.

I'm looking for life, love, and laughter


Everything in between and what happens after.


(Sorry for the lack of an explanation. It's only 11pm but I'm completely exhausted and headed to bed. But I honestly don't think this song needs much of an explanation. Google the lyrics, reread my previous posts, or reflect on a past conversation we've had. I assure you it will all become perfectly clear.)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

A Day Late & An Idea Short

In the midst of pizza and conversation Thursday night after work my roommates and I decided to embark on a Blog Challenge.

We came up with a list of seven topics:
1. Post a meaningful quote accompanied by an explanation.
2. Post a meaningful song/video accompanied by an explanation.
3. Talk about a person or specific interaction you encountered today.
4. Where are you in five years?
5. What movie did you always wish you were in?
6. Describe a personality trait that you could do without.
7. Your present self runs into your future self on the street, your future self gives your present self advice, what is it?

Some of these topics will be a breeze for one or two of us and prove to be overwhelmingly difficult for the other. (Can you guess which one's I'm going to struggle with?!) The point of this challenge is to get the three of us to just write and not over think our posts. To day dream about the future, to dig deep and share our vulnerabilities, and to be aware of the present. So here we go!

............................................................

I am already losing. It's Saturday morning and my first blog was due last night. I'm lacking any and all creativity and inspiration, but I'd better get going since I have two blogs entries to post today, and just a mere 24 hours to think, write, re-write, and post my thoughts, beliefs, and stories every day until Friday.

So once again, here we go. My first of two blogs for today. If I fall short of your expecations this week I apologize. Jump on over to Kendra's or Kara's blogs. They'll surly knock your socks off.

I'm going with what I find to be the easiest of the 7 topics listed (that being a meaningful quote). I thought about it all morning. Originally I thought I'd use "I wish it could just be simple, like a retro pop song, I want you to want me. Boom. End of story. We all live happily ever after." But since I'm currently sitting the public library looking out a window at the cars driving by on such a gloomy day in San Diego, I figured, why not quote Ray Bradbury?

Three weeks ago I decided to challenge myself intellectually by reading the top 100 novels of the 20th century starting with Fahrenheit 451 (which is where my quote today will be coming from). This challenge has been difficult and fulfilling at the same time for Hemmingway is no easy read but his stories are beyond powerful.

After flipping back through Fahrenheit 451 this morning, I had a hard time deciding on just one quote to post, so listed below are three quotes that are not only beautiful in the context of the novel, but also with all context put aside.

"Do your own saving, and if you drown at least die knowing you were headed for shore."
I chose this quote because it is a steady reminder to not become so dependent on those around me. A few months ago I was hit by a cargo train full of reality. I had lost sight of my own independence - I was constantly relying on other people to come to my recuse - and when I was faced with an enormous change in lifestyle my world was turned upside down. I am now aware of the extent to which I place myself in relation to others. I understand that I can't do certain things alone, and I have my friends and family to help me along the way. But now I am entirely certain that I don't need them all the time, that figuring things out on my own is part of my journey. I need to attempt to do my own saving. If I fail, well, then I have others to fall back on, and if that happens to be the case, at least I'll know I was headed towards shore before the lifeboat pulled me out of the water.

"Live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds, see the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask no guarantees. Ask for no security."
If I fell off my chair in 10 seconds and died right here in the library would I be happy with the life I lived? I'm gonna say yes. Certainly I feel like there is more I want to accomplish, more I want to see, and more lives I want to touch, but I feel like I have done a good deal of all three in my short 21 years. I do, however, wish that I lived more outside of my alternate reality and more in the one I have been placed in because according to Bradbury 'it's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.' Lately I've been attempting to take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself to me. Whether that be a free organ concert in Balboa Park, having honest and sincere conversations with unusual subjects, or staying up until 3:30am when I have to wake up at 6:30am for work. I can't ask for guarantees or security in every aspect of life. I need to start taking chances, putting myself in uncomfortable situations, and being open to new experiences.


"Tt doesn't matter what you do so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away."
This is perhaps the most profound. I struggle with social justice work because I can't seem to find a healthy medium between my emotional security and my service. When I offer support, volunteer, of attempt to raise awareness I feel unsatisfied and defeated. Perhaps I've helped one individual, and educated a few more, but realistically speaking, I've not even made a miniscule dent in the problem at hand. I don't remember the context behind this sentence in Fahrenheit 451, but it seems to be saying that we don't need to accomplish something monumental, we just need to accomplish something. Last week as I drove from job number 1 to job number 2, I handed a man standing on the street corner a water bottle and the remainder of my lunch (a bag of carrots, a fruit cup, and some crackers). The light wasn't red but I slowed down and stopped anyways only to have the man in a black SUV behind me honk until I put my car back in first gear and made my way through the green light. So with this quote in mind what did I accomplish in the instance that is my own? I changed the day of a perfect stranger who may or may not have been homeless. I fed him. I took a perfectly empty situation and left my mark. He most definitely wont remember me in weeks to come, and perhaps he has already forgotten our interaction, but he remembered me when he was hungry and reached in his backpack for my left over lunch. I changed his day, and hopefully his spirit... for maybe he realized there are people out there who truly care. I also think I altered something for the irritated man behind me. I changed his day by adding frustration, but I bet that frustration led to at least a few minutes of thought about why a young girl stopped traffic to hand something to a beggar.


Well that concludes my first entry in this challenge. I hope you to check back later tonight for my second entry (hopefully I'll be caught up) and I encourage you to read Fahrenheit 451 and see what it does for you!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Lately...

Lately I've . . .

explored new parts of San Diego
found myself obsessed with Ernest Hemmingway
experimented with cooking... and its all been delicious :)
been discontent and longing for home
started planning for Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week
thought so much about the past
destroyed all my opponents at card games
watched foreign films with subtitles
consumed an unhealthy amount of coffee before 7:00 am every morning
forgotten to drive with my top down
bonded with an Autistic 6 year old girl named Midnight
cried more than once
had a lot of time to reflect on who I am becoming
remembered James A. Barrera and how he changed my life
sung at the top of my lungs in the early morning on my way to work
taken long walks up and down the bay at sunset
questioned people's intentions and my own expectations
laughed uncontrollably during a game of kings cup
day dreamed about being in love
accomplished my goal of spending less than 100 dollars a month on groceries
fallen in love with a cafe called Lestats
said "see ya later alligator" no less than 7 times a day
danced away my sadness
enjoyed going to bed early and waking up even earlier
told myself over and over t.b.i.y.t.c.
wanted to go back to Norway, but only for a little while
swam in the ocean in the middle of the night
learned to trust my surroundings
not had the chance to lay out at the beach
become more independent and happy with being by myself
realized things are not always what they seem
heard the words "I love you" come out of the mouths of children
worked on being a better version of me
missed my best friend