Life Unexpected

If I could go back and pinpoint the exact moment that I decided that trading in free room and board for $800 a month in rent was a good I idea, I would probably revisit my "rational" thinking process and seriously consider slapping myself across the face a few times. However, despite the fact that time travel currently doesn't exist, I have absolutely no recollection of when my bad decision making days occured, so this scientific leap backwards thing probably wouldn't work to my benefit if it had been invented. Plus despite my utter lack of free time, and the loss of my beloved 8 hours of sleep a night, I am quite content with my hectic schedule - it keeps me on my toes.

Although I can feel the panic setting in, and the stress slowly creeping up on me I have managed to keep my tears in their ducts and my freak outs to a minimum. (Matt, my roommate, truly appreciates this and I'm pretty sure the Matt that is my best friend appreciates this as well).

Last May when my entire community graduated I was heart broken and fearful of what is now my current reality. I feared experiencing my senior year without close friends. I feared spending countless hours being angry at myself for not reaching out to people my own age when I had the chance. I feared I would spend an unhealthy amount of time alone.

To my surprise, not a single one of my fears is sound. I do walk around school aimlessly, wishing for one of my friends to randomly appear in my path, but I spend nearly every night of the week at Kara's laughing at our ridiculous quests to find love in the most random of places and take long power walks with Kendra on Friday mornings. I'm not angry I don't have friends my own age at USD, I'm actually quite happy because it makes it easier to disagree with my classmates opinions in heated discussions. And the one thing I miss, that I wish I had more of, is time alone. I find myself longing for nights where I can put on a movie lay on the couch in my sweats and drown out the rest of the world.

Not having my community readily available makes the time spent with them that much more amazing. It's what keeps me going until Thursday night when my week feels like it will never end. It's what keeps me up way past my bedtime when I have a paper due the next day. It's what keeps my heart happy.

This change that I once feared so terribly has been the greatest thing I could have imagined. I have three jobs in order to pay for rent, food, transportation, and all the added joys that being a senior in college and living at the beach brings - the result of my utter lack of rational judgement.

But each one of these jobs, although entirely stressful, are the source of the joy in my life that I feared would be gone. Titus and Piper, the two babies I nanny for, bring a permanent smile to my face every Monday and Wednesday. My quest to create awareness on campus about the issues of hunger and homelessness will never ever feel like much of a job, and smiling at people three days a week and wishing them well comes with an added bonus - amazing co-workers who keep my mind off my mile long to-do-list with their very attractive faces and warm personalities.

90% of the time I feel like I'm losing my mind. There are not enough hours in the day to accomplish what needs to be done and I often feel that my mental capacity is much to full for added information, but I can't imagine giving up a single aspect of my life at this moment. This unexpected life of mine.

Thank you Matty and Kara for preparing me for this year. For drilling into my head that change can be good and that you two will always be around. Thank you for putting up with my emotional breakdowns, for still going to Sandbar with me on Thursday nights, and for taking an interest in my life apart from you.

For the first time in a long while I am truly content. Insanely busy, but unexpectedly happy with where things are.

Hello Senior Year!